What’s holding you back? Sacred discoveries from Kauai
I am a believer in the benefits of unplugging and relaxing, but I never allowed myself more than a couple of days or a few stolen moments to truly let go. As I embarked on my 9-day vacation to the Hawaiian Island of Kauai, I was hopeful about the possibility of leaving with a new perspective. I discovered my awakenings in the most unexpected of places. My goal isn’t that they will impact you in the same way, but that you might be more sensitive to finding these mini-lessons in your own life, and selfishly, to help crystalize them for myself.
Lesson 1: Get comfortable not knowing what to pack
I was an anxious mess packing for Kauai. My bag was packed 6 days before we left yet 3 hours before we were supposed to leave I was still adding things. What if my allergies flare up, what if it is cold one day, what if I am bloated, what if, what if, what if.
When you are going somewhere you have never been before, you might now know what to pack. You can do research, which I did, and ask friends, which I did, but sometimes you just have to experience it for yourself and trust that you will be able to find everything you need when you need it. Half the clothes I brought I didn’t wear and we had to make a few trips to CVS or Walmart as different situations came up. But guess what? I was fine, the world kept turning, and I had a life-changing trip.
I know that there will be times in life when if I am truly following my unique path, my personal legend, I am going to be headed somewhere no one has ever been. It will be impossible to pack, impossible to plan, for everything that could happen. I have to trust myself to handle whatever might come my way so that I might actually be able to fulfill my unique purpose and make it to my destination.
Lesson 2: Stop standing in the chocolate aisle
Hawaii has some tasty chocolate-covered macadamia nuts. The first day on the island I bought a box and soon after they were devoured. For my next box I wanted to pick the best ones; the nuttiest, creamiest chocolate I could find. The problem was when I went to the store I just stood there in the aisle frozen, overwhelmed by how many options I had. Soon, my boyfriend would be ready to go and find me standing there in the chocolate aisle. I left the store many times empty-handed.
The last time he found me there he asked, "What are you always doing here?" I told him I was trying to decide which ones I should buy, which ones were the best. He grabbed a box and said, “Let’s go, I’ll buy you these, and if they aren’t the best you can buy a different box tomorrow.”
(Btw the chocolates he chose were indeed the best)
Are you still standing in the chocolate aisle? Too often indecision rules my world. I can’t decide what I should work on next, which type of self-care I should do, what to wear to that event, the list goes on and on. If I get so hung up on something as small as which chocolates to buy, I can only imagine how this is holding me back on the big stuff. Sometimes you have to just take action because thinking will only have you left with thoughts.
Lesson 3: If you can’t be happy now you never will be
I went to Kauai with my amazing boyfriend. We are still relatively new in our relationship and this was our first trip together. There were moments where I wished he would be doing something different and at times I even gave him feedback, “Hey you think you could….” What I came to realize though is that not only was this not helpful or fun for either of us but it also was a moving target. It is the ego that wants things our way and the ego can never be satisfied.
The moments where I felt pure love and joy were when we were dancing in the moment. When I was present, focused on the conversation, breathing in the ocean air, and in awe of the beauty that surrounded me. The times we were lost in conversation about the meaning of consciousness or sharing stories about awkward college friends. We can’t be in the moment when we are giving feedback, nagging, and complaining. Criticism is focused on how you can be happy in the future “If he was more like this, then I will be happy.”
When we want something other than what we have we are basing our happiness on a future outcome. The problem is the desired outcome is always changing and the satisfaction that comes from possessing that thing (affection, material things, compliments, etc.) never lasts. Our ego wants happiness, but our soul already has joy in abundance. When we want, nag, complain, find fault, and long for more, we miss out on the joy that already exists simply in being and enjoying the dynamic being of another. Fulfillment lives in the now and the happiness we think we will have in the future is just an idea.
Lesson 4: Let go of fear and dive in
After a 7-mile trek featuring muddy rocks, a few face plants, actual real tears, and soaking wet hiking boots when I had finally arrived at the Hanakapi waterfall. The most beautiful view I have ever seen with my own eyes; streams of water rushing down over 300 feet of magical mountain terrain. I wanted to jump in but I was frozen in place, afraid that it would be too cold, too wet, too rocky. “You didn’t come this far to only come this far.” I counted down and nose-dived into the water.
When I emerged out from under the falling streams I floated on my back and just when I thought the scene couldn’t become more beautiful, it did. Up close I could see the ferns that covered the mountainside and beautiful birds flying around the streams. I could feel the cool mist of the water on my face and every hair on my body was standing up as I floated in complete bliss and amazement. It was like nothing I could have ever imagined.
Fear talks me out of experiencing the fullness of life. On the edge of greatness fear whispers, “What if it's not what you imagined, what if you fail, what if you are uncomfortable?” Letting go and jumping in allows me to find out for myself. Every what-if becomes a lesson learned and a moment experienced rather than just imagined.
Carrying these lessons with me will likely be easier said than done. I hope to use these metaphors in the future as ways to check in with myself. Am I still standing in the chocolate aisle? Have I overpacked for this adventure? Am I putting my happiness in a future outcome? Is it time to jump in? Questions I can ask myself when I feel stuck so I can realize the only person standing in my way is me.